Monday, March 16, 2009

"it's just one of them days; don't take it personal"

You should have let your perm grow out before cutting it.

Now, I know I'm reaching a very wonderful period in my life. I'm reaching a place where I am starting to take the things people say less personally. (wow! who would have imagined?!)

If you know me (which is a phrase I do not take lightly), you should know that I have always taken things to the heart; way too personally. I'm a sensitive soul, and have been since birth, with a heart that I proclaimed a few years back, to be simply way too big and way too open for this world I was placed in.

So, it's always been very hard for me to let things roll off my back. You know when Jay-Z came out with that song... go on, dust your shoulders off... yeah, never my look. I internalized everything and never really connected my internalizing with my periods of deep pensiveness, or discomfort, or anger that I would feel toward people I felt guilty of slighting me.

It took me meeting someone who quickly and deftly recognized my pattern of internalizing everything to really start this revolution in my life; this growing into an individual who can now not only understand that everyone is different and that not everyone is going to have something nice to say, but who can also bring my body's physiological reactions to reflect this as well.

Sometimes, when people would have something to say that I deemed ignorant, or rude, or conceited, or misinformed, or cruel, my body would have a reaction--my ears might burn, or my mind might replay what they said over and over again--I would be so upset, but I wouldn't say anything about it. I had a hard time trying to determine, as a "southern" female, how I could get my point across without being considered rude or too forward.

Although I had my times before when I had to educate someone on something that they said, today I noticed the difference. Before, when I would speak up, it would be because I took things too personally; thereby, my reaction, though warranted, in the long run (to my eyes) would look a little over-the-top. Again, not my look.

I was getting ready to leave work today, and a couple of people were standing at the front. Everyone hasn't seen the TWA (teeny weeny afro) yet, so I'm still getting people that are like, "oh you cut your hair." Today, I got another one of those why'd you cut your hair questions with a slight frown, as if to say, eeew, why would you do that? Instead of getting offended, or taking it personal, I didn't even have a chance to think about it because I joked back with the person, and asked them why they had to turn their face down like that when asking me about my hair.

And then, a complete stranger of a woman told me that I should have let the rest of my perm grow out before cutting my hair. Before thinking about it, I said, snappily, well, I didn't have time for that. I could see in her reaction that she wouldn't be asking me any more questions. Later, I thought, who in the hell are you to be telling me what the hell I should or should not have done with my hair, but in the moment, I let her comment roll off my back. I have come to learn that I wasn't put here on this Earth to impress or please any man or woman. If I happen to do so, all the better, but people won't always be pleased with what I do. They won't always like me for what I do. And really, I don't have the time, and have stopped making the time to give a shit about people who aren't pleased, or people who take the time to make negative commentary, about anything. But, in saying all that, I'm also very well aware of the fact that for some people, that's just what they do. I can't really take it too personally--everyone isn't going to have something nice to say. God made us all different, and those differences make the world go 'round.

At the end of the day, comments like that still show me that people (who don't even know me like that!) still have plenty to say about something as not-so-serious as my hair and what I decide to do with it. And that tickles me to no end.

...don't forget that boy told you--
get that dirt off ya shoulder...

Adios loves,


that one said...

I've already been getting comments since I said I was gonna do it. People are all putting in their two cents...I've started laughing it off now and just being like, "it's just hair" I've cut it enough times and it always grows back...luckily I have a lot of friends that are supporting me! WHOOO...

I'm so excited.


Miss Malorie said...

That's great that you have a lot of support! My coworkers have been pretty cool, and the first day I displayed the hair, this random dude (who had seen me before) stopped and was like, "you cut your hair." I said yeah, explained that it was about that time, and he was like, "you still look good though!" lol.

But most importantly, I like it! If I wasn't fascinated with it, then it wouldn't matter what anyone said, lol.

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