Saturday, April 4, 2009

WTF Volume II: America's going crazy

There are some things I don't want to write.

Some things aren't about love. Some things aren't about whether I end up with somebody great. Some things aren't about my hair, and some things aren't about how wonderful the weather feels.

America is losing its fucking mind. The country is under so much stress... the economy sucks, people are getting hours cut, people are losing their fucking jobs, their damn houses, and with that, their damn minds.

I was watching a repeat of the CNN special Black in America about the assassination of Dr. King (he was assassinated 41 years ago today), and after that, the news came on. Of course, I had already heard about the madness in Binghampton where the guy killed 13 innocent people and then himself, and then today (was it today? I've heard about so much shit that I can't even remember what day it is) I heard about the guy who killed the three police officers (both of those people had on bulletproof vests), then I'm watching CNN and hearing about these damn "Smiley Face Murders" where some gang of people all over the country are killing guys after nights out and putting them in the river and then painting smiley faces on trees, and then CNN breaks news about a father in Washington who killed his five children and then himself, and THEN, as I'm turning from national news to find something else to watch, I hear on my local news that two elderly people were stabbed in a Target, and that a mother was shot to death somewhere in town.

You tired of reading yet? Well I'm tired of listening.

It's so much bigger than the fucking gun laws. No, that's not enough. You can restrict guns up and down (which I can say, I think the laws should be stricter), and people will still be losing their damn minds. People are killing their fucking FAMILIES because they are losing their jobs. Because the thing that makes them feel like they have worth is no longer a part of their lives. Because suddenly, they don't have control over their life anymore.

What is going on? I mean, seriously, what is going on?

There have always been crazy people in the world; there have always been people who have committed mass crimes; who haven't had the faith, the sense, the courage, or the strength to work through their problems in a logical way--and sure, there are things and times in life that can push you to your logical brink. But, as a coworker and I were talking about today, God will NEVER put more on you than you can handle. NEVER.

But, we live in a time when people put so much faith in farcical things; things that are not guaranteed. Money. Jobs. Superficial things. There are so many people taking so many things for granted. But God's glory will NEVER disappoint. Never. If you have faith, your faith will be duly rewarded. (And this is coming from a chick who is quite spiritual, but is not big on the "religion" thing.)

I know my God is there. I know. There have been times in my life when I felt like I just couldn't take no more (and I'm not even THAT old, so imagine what life has in store...) and that I just wanted to give up. I was just like, that's enough. But I never did that. Never. Something inside myself would never allow that as an option. And I'm not talking about "giving up" necessarily in a suicidal sense, but just in the sense of giving up on anything. Something inside of myself just wouldn't let that be. And I think that's bigger than me having that kind of "don't quit" upbringing, but because I've always been pretty tapped into my intuition. Regardless of whether I've always listened to it, it's been there and talking to me. That voice (which I, to this day, KNOW is the voice of God, because that's the only way it can never be wrong) has always been in me. And as I've asked God to help me tap into it and listen more, it's become stronger. I just have to learn to listen, but it's stronger.

But my problem is, what is happening? The Bible speaks of the end of days, and God, if it doesn't seem like it's here... what more can you do but pray? I pray, and I try to make sure that I NEVER treat people in a poor fashion. Like the man who killed all the people in Binghampton--apparently, he had been teased for speaking poor English (he was Vietnamese). He was taking English classes in the same building he shot up. He quit the classes a month ago. How seriously tragic. Sincerely tragic. Not saying that this in ANY way gave him the power to shoot people up, but think of how simple, little actions affect someone else's life. What if I was one of those people who jokingly teased him about his English, and then I heard the news that he went and shot the people up where he was studying? I wouldn't help but have his life on my conscience.

Part of the reason why I can't STAND people who are uber-judgmental, or people who always have something negative to say, or people who gossip for a living, or people who enjoy making other people feel small. As a child, I was always super sensitive, and I'm still super sensitive about certain things til this day.

I mean... I just don't know. This is so troubling to me. And I feel like no one else cares. People just get shot and stabbed the fuck up, and it's everyday news. It's the norm now. That's just how people behave. I have always said, as long as I have been receptive to the news in an adult fashion, that this country is reactive instead of proactive. Instead of preventing problems, we simply react to them after they are done and over; after people are dead and gone. And that obviously isn't getting us anywhere. Obviously.

It's really really hard now (being as though I was always paranoid anyway) to be able to think about doing stuff in life without having to worry about whether something unfortunate will happen to me, or someone I really love. It's an everyday thought that that possibility is always there. Always there.

I guess all I can do is pray. Pray for myself, pray for my family, pray for my loved ones, for our health, for our safety, sanity... pray for the country, pray for people... in no particular order.

Just... pray.


AGrlCanMAC said...

We just have to continue to give thanks and believe that God never gives us more than we can handle. B/c he doesn't.

I honestly don't feel that America is any more violent then it's always been though. Violence has always been here (I don't know, in some cases worse in history) and it won't go away. I think what has changed are people's morals and values have changed a whole lot.

Miss Malorie said...

I can agree with that--violence has been a prevalent part of society since way back in ancient times. You're right--people's morals and values have changed greatly, and the spike in violence is proof of that.

It's so sad, really. But, it's a sign of the times...

(p.s. Thanks for the comment and your thoughts! :)

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