Thursday, May 21, 2009

it will haunt me for the rest of my life...

The elephant.

No, not the pink kind that dances around in a room, while everyone pretends like they can't see it.

The lady that sits next to me in the clink.

She's an elephant because she's one of those people who refuses to, or simply doesn't realize that it is customary to remove yourself from a room when you need to blow your nose.

So she sits next to me, not only coughing, but blowing her nose... in that half-dry kind of nose-blowing that makes it sound like she's... well, an elephant.

I think this noise will haunt me for the rest of my life.

In other news, I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my life. Besides blog, that is. For the first year after college, it seemed okay to just kind of "go-with-the-flow," and actually, I won't lie... that was more like the first few months after I turned 21... oh man, I did a hell of a lot of drinking and hanging out... I definitely enjoyed myself. Not that I will cease drinking and hanging out, but around about December (maybe?), I started to feel that pressure again... that pressure that I needed to figure everything out.

It only got worse as all my friends caught up to me and graduated... I felt like I had little to show for leaving school a year early... I hadn't moved anywhere, hadn't started pursuing any other degrees, hadn't gotten engaged, hadn't found myself in a (lasting) relationship... what had I done, really?

It's in these times that I have to remind myself that everyone's life path is sooooo different for reasons we can't even begin to fathom. Maybe I'm not supposed to be pursuing another degree yet (especially if I don't know what I want to do). It's definitely not time for me to be engaged, married, or expecting any little ones yet, so I can't be upset or feel pressured when I see my friends following this trend. It's hard to avoid putting that pressure on yourself when you see everyone else's lives seeming to take on these trends...

But, you know what, I've learned, which is the most important thing. I could be in Africa right now, saving kids' lives, or over in France, studying some great novel, etc., but if I hadn't learned anything in this past year, it would all be for naught.

I've gotten involved in some great things, I've learned some liquors (lol), I've met some amazing people (including one who will forever have a piece of my heart <3), I've experienced a couple of different job environments and situations that have taught me what I want and what I do not want...

But most of all, I look back at this time last year, and it's almost hard to remember that the experiences from then have been a part of my past year. It almost seems as though I'm remembering myself out of context; like those things really didn't happen last year. It tells me that the person I am today is so different from the chick I was then.

And that will have to stand as my testament to having not wasted a second of my year. I've grown, I've changed, I've seen, I've done, I've smoked, I've drank, I've hung, and I've hung :), I've cried, laughed, and wanted to throw plates. I've remembered why my friends are my friends :), and I've learned that not everyone who's nice is going to be your long-lasting friend. People come into your life for a reason, a season, and some, for a lifetime.

But most of all, I've emerged from this past year with the desire to never, ever, ever waste another second minute hour day of my life again. To always surround myself with funny, intelligent people. To always put my best foot forward. To always be involved in something. To make sure that this time next year (Lord willing), I will have even more to show for the life He has seen fit to grant me.


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