Tuesday, July 14, 2009

the "can't get right" entry


I've been trying to write this great blog entry for a couple of days now.

I've started, and stopped; wrote, and erased. I even started writing it by hand first, something I rarely ever do anymore.

But... the words just didn't feel right. The entire feeling of the entry just wasn't right.


I erased it, and here I am. With these sentences that aren't saying much to you.

I was going to write about what would happen if all the guys I've loved, liked, talked to, and dated met with each other and had a meeting. (Yeah I know, who would think about something like this?) The reason I woke up one morning and thought about it was because I was thinking about someone and wondering if they were thinking of me... and then after that [daily] pondering, I wondered if (if they said anything about me at all) they spoke kindly of me. Or if they didn't.

So then I wondered if, if all the guys I've been involved with got an opportunity to sit down and talk with each other, I wondered if they would have similar things to share.
(and I'm talking about deeper things than the man, that ass was phat! type of comments.)

I wondered if their tone would be kind or not. It makes me wonder how similar I've been with different people. Have my kisses had elements of the same thing? Have my smiles given the same effect to different people? Have I flirted with all or been standoffish with some? Have I shown my cards too early to some, and to others, never folded?

I don't know. I guess I spend so much time thinking about situations and about people that sometimes I just wonder how those people feel about me.


Manda The Magnificent said...

my god I thought I was the only person who did this. I actually have literally called half my ex's up asking them personally how i was either sexually, relationship wise, or something or other. Just from my own curiousity. Some said what I wanted to hear, some did not. But I learned from all of them. Thank you so much for letting me know I wasn't going crazy. **although I DID kinda take it an extra step by actually calling them lol, i guess i have "brass ones", eh?** ;)

Manda The Magnificent said...

P.S. it's about time you updated! lol i've been checking my dashboard everyday for you! :)

Miss Malorie said...

Lol yeah you have brass ones! I have wondered about how exes may feel, but I've only actually asked one. My heart's a little too fragile to go about asking that lol. And yeah I try to update frequently, but sometimes I can't force anything out. I don't want to force it. You see it took me like three days just to write this entry, and then I didn't even write it the way I envisioned! lol!

Manda The Magnificent said...

lol trust me i know exxxactttly what you're talking about. it's like.. throughout the day i go ''oh! i'm gunna blog about this later.'' and i either forget, don't know HOW to go about doing it, or writing it, or by the time i sit down and go to write it, it's late at night (like it is now when i want to blog about my day today) and i'm WAY too exhausted to just keep my eyes open. your blogs are quite worth the wait. I love reading them, they really inspire me , truly ! :)
and i very much so understand what you mean about the fragile heart. mine's paper thin. lol

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