Saturday, October 17, 2009

10 things that made me smile this week (10/11-10/17)

You can find last week's entry here. How quickly the week has flown by!! I didn't even realize it was Saturday.

My 10 Things:

1. The fact that two days ago I was at work, angry because it was 90-something degrees outside, and today, I'm sitting in my front yard with socks and a hoodie on, comtemplating going inside to put on some sweatpants... it feels gorgeous outside; I just get cold easily

2. The way it feels inside the safe place of his arms

3. finishing the application process for Teach for America

4. finishing 1984 and wishing that I can write something of that kind of magnitude... if only one thing like that before I'm gone

5. my girlfriends :)

6. having an argument and making up all in the same day

7. the fact that my natural hair comes in the form of little cylinders :)

8. my Mommy

9. watching my sister going to homecoming

10. Amaretto Sours!!!!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

10 things that made me smile this week (10/04-10/10)

You can find last week's entry here.

My 10 Things:
1. Taking my braids out of my head because they were braided way too tightly

2. Playing Monopoly with the kids at work... and beating the hell out of them

3. admitting to myself that the only reason I didn't/don't want to move up North (or anywhere else) is because I was/am scared

4. C.C., in his entirety

5. taking "naps" with someone I adore

6. rereading Nineteen Eighty-Four and finding it, all over again, to be magnificent

7. "For now, claim nothing but Malorie. She's worth it..." --encouragement from a friend

8. objective conversation about President Obama and the Nobel Peace Prize... via Facebook, no less

9. eating dinner with my mom and realizing we're more alike than I think we are

10. taking a nap on the couch, burrowing deep into the leather

Thursday, October 8, 2009


His heart leapt. Scored of times she had done it; he wished it had been hundreds--thousands. Anything that hinted at corruption always filled him with a wild hope. Who knew? Perhaps the Party was rotten under the surface, its cult of strenuousness and self-denial simply a sham concealing iniquity. If he could have infected the whole lot of them with leprosy or syphilis, how gladly he would have done so! Anything to rot, to weaken, to undermine! He pulled her down so that they were kneeling face to face.
"Listen. The more men you've had, the more I love you. Do you understand that?"
"Yes, perfectly."
"I hate purity. I hate goodness. I don't want any virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones."
"Well then, I ought to suit you, dear. I'm corrupt to the bones." (104-05)

During the month that he had known her the nature of his desire for her had changed. At the beginning, there had been little true sensuality in it. Their first love-making had been simply an act of the will. But after the second time it was different. The smell of her hair, the taste of her mouth, the feeling of her skin seemed to have got inside of him, or into the air all around him. She had become a physical necessity, something that he not only wanted but felt that he had a right to. (115)

Talking to her, he realized how easy it was to present an appearance of orthodoxy while having no grasp whatever of what orthodoxy meant. In a way, the world-view of the Party imposed itself most successfully on people incapable of understanding it. They could be made to accept the most flagrant violations of reality, because they never fully grasped the enormity of what was demanded of them, and were not sufficiently interested in public events to notice what was happening. By lack of understanding they remained sane. They simply swallowed everything, and what they swallowed did them no harm, because it left no residue behind, just as a grain of corn will pass undigested through the body of a bird. (129)


Sound familiar? Sound eloquent? Sound magnificent?

These passages are from 1984, the mind-boggling novel from George Orwell, published in 1949. In a quest to find something to read, I decided to reread this book, and found that I spent most of my time searching the dictionary for the definitions of the words he uses throughout the text. (this makes me happy, by the way.) Reading it now as an older individual has been delightful... because it is amazing, intellectually simple, and very scary, when you consider the fact that the dystopian society in the novel IS possible... I love it. Now THAT is a novel.


"A nap is akin to an orgasm:

only in their separate, yet consuming pleasures. They both wholly drown the individual in waves, one, deep, slow, and warm, and the other, sweet, painful, and electric hot.

I wake from a nap, groggy, the world colored in muted shades of deep brown and green grass, as I rub my eyes slowly but continuously. I stretch for a time and curl back into the fetal position: knees drawn up into my stomach, bottom curved outward, arms entangled in one another, clasped to my chest. I glance at my watch in between fragments of dreams.

My body jerks without my consent, back arched fitfully, hips pressed toward the ceiling, pelvic bones gracefully apparent. My moans are deeply uttered, guttural things that explode from my throat as the thermal waves, severe and trembling, wash over me, exhausting me. The trembles fade to shivers but the moans persist, fading slower until they are like poorly spaced hiccups. His hand, he places softly on my stomach, pulling me back into him. I curl up into the fetal position: legs pulled up toward my stomach, feet entangled in his, arms grasping his and pulled into my chest, the quick waves of sleep enveloping me as I fall deeper...

... down into the world without dreams, black, calm, unconscious."

[inspired by a deep nap]

Monday, October 5, 2009


In a need to write something, anything, while I'm sitting with my laptop in my lap, bentonite clay mask on the face, I must tell you this:

today, one of my kids asked me if I wanted to play MASH. I was like, sure! I used to love playing MASH in school.

I looked around for a sheet of paper, and was about to ask her if she had a pen or pencil...

when I noticed she took out her iPhone.

Something told me the phone would have something to do with our game.

I questioned: are we going to play MASH on your phone? You have an app for that?

(I felt like an iPhone commercial.)

Yes, she had an app for that. We played MASH on her phone.

I ended up living in Japan, as a teacher, with my three kids, and my husband (a made-up man named "Tony"... his name was obviously wrong. But, at least we lived in a mansion).

Saturday, October 3, 2009

10 things that made me smile this week (09/26-10/03)

While roaming my slightly disheveled room, I felt an urge to write about 10 things that made me smile this week. And then, I decided I should do it every week, on Saturday. And then, I imagined that maybe this would challenge other people to think about 10 positive things that made them smile. We spend so much time focusing on negative things that we must allot time to think of happy things.

And of course, like 85% (that's a safe number) of the ideas that pop into my head from space**, I decided to was compelled to share this idea with you.

The rules are: 1) your list has to be limited to ten things. 2) your list has to be comprised of positive things. No, you can not list "watching someone fall down the stairs" as one of your things that made you smile. Sorry, acerbic individuals :)

Now, on to my first list!

My 10 Things:
1. conversation and hugs under the moonlight at Lake Baldwin

2. Wednesday's sunset

3. feeling free because I admitted to myself that I wanted to move up North for the wrong reasons

4. watching my hair curl into these little ringlets after having my hair trimmed

5. this week's weather feeling like autumn instead of extended summer

6. my best friend

7. buying tickets for The Color Purple

8. my new Victoria's Secret bras

9. the thought of my personal and imminent upward mobility

10. C.C., in his entirety


**I was watching a Michael Jackson special last night, and they showed a clip of him talking about his music (this was back in '87), and he was talking about the creative process and how he had nothing to do with it... he said that it came from "space," and that it was the work of God, not him. As someone whose ideas frequently just pop into her head, I understand completely what he was talking about. And as a writer, theft is the sincerest form of flattery, so now when I start saying this (about space), you'll know where it came from. So, technically, that means I'm not stealing...


I am an example:

So, if you happened to see Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married a while back, you might have been listening when he discussed the "80/20" rule of relationships and dating. Essentially, it's a very simple theory: in relationships, you're going to get about 80% of what you need. Someone else is going to come along, flaunting that 20% that you do not have in your current relationship. When you are missing that other 20%, it looks pretty appetizing... until you leave 80 for 20, and then realize (usually too late) just how little 20% really is.

As soon as I heard this theory, I loved it... because it's true. This can probably easily explain why some people cheat, and why hormonal writers author pieces about being jealous of other people's kissy Facebook pictures... *ahem*.

When you don't have that other 20%, and then you see it, it can seem like you're missing out on a lot. Devil's confusion, as Toni Morrison would say. When you don't have the flowers, or the "baby, I miss you"s, or the Facebook recognition (which I previously discussed as falsely indicating security, but then still wanted it because it seemed so... secure), it seems like you're missing out on a lot.

But when you look at the larger picture, 20% ain't shit. I've been privy to people telling their significant other how much they miss them, or how much they "love" them, but then go off to fuck someone else (and tell them the same shit). Or, like a great old-school song once said, flowers could be his way of saying, 'we should just be friends'... they could be him on his guilt-trip, apologizing for something he did the night before, if you catch my drift**

That's not to say that there's something wrong with people who are recipients of such gifts. Or that all people who say "I miss/love you" are lying. My point is that, you can have something major in someone (like someone kind, someone who listens, someone who understands you, etc.), and you can discard that or overlook it because you're too focused on that 20% you don't have.

But, if you passed arithmetic, 80>20.

I will gladly take someone who gets me ANY DAY over a man who knows what type of flower to get me and knows all the clever things to say. I mean, both would be nice, but 80% ain't too bad.

So, I fell to the 80/20 theory... I guess I am human after all :)

**paraphrased lyrics are from the song "No Pain, No Gain" by Betty Wright


she tosses and turns
for my body can't sleep still
for want of you
and your smile
to deliver sunshine
into my night
and your eyes
to shine moonbeams
into my day
and your hands
to warm the frigid
frightened places
within me--
who knew
that lying next to you
could bring the hush
of early morning peace?

Unless otherwise indicated, all words here are property of Miss Malorie Registered & Protected