Saturday, October 3, 2009


I am an example:

So, if you happened to see Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married a while back, you might have been listening when he discussed the "80/20" rule of relationships and dating. Essentially, it's a very simple theory: in relationships, you're going to get about 80% of what you need. Someone else is going to come along, flaunting that 20% that you do not have in your current relationship. When you are missing that other 20%, it looks pretty appetizing... until you leave 80 for 20, and then realize (usually too late) just how little 20% really is.

As soon as I heard this theory, I loved it... because it's true. This can probably easily explain why some people cheat, and why hormonal writers author pieces about being jealous of other people's kissy Facebook pictures... *ahem*.

When you don't have that other 20%, and then you see it, it can seem like you're missing out on a lot. Devil's confusion, as Toni Morrison would say. When you don't have the flowers, or the "baby, I miss you"s, or the Facebook recognition (which I previously discussed as falsely indicating security, but then still wanted it because it seemed so... secure), it seems like you're missing out on a lot.

But when you look at the larger picture, 20% ain't shit. I've been privy to people telling their significant other how much they miss them, or how much they "love" them, but then go off to fuck someone else (and tell them the same shit). Or, like a great old-school song once said, flowers could be his way of saying, 'we should just be friends'... they could be him on his guilt-trip, apologizing for something he did the night before, if you catch my drift**

That's not to say that there's something wrong with people who are recipients of such gifts. Or that all people who say "I miss/love you" are lying. My point is that, you can have something major in someone (like someone kind, someone who listens, someone who understands you, etc.), and you can discard that or overlook it because you're too focused on that 20% you don't have.

But, if you passed arithmetic, 80>20.

I will gladly take someone who gets me ANY DAY over a man who knows what type of flower to get me and knows all the clever things to say. I mean, both would be nice, but 80% ain't too bad.

So, I fell to the 80/20 theory... I guess I am human after all :)

**paraphrased lyrics are from the song "No Pain, No Gain" by Betty Wright

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