Thursday, November 5, 2009

Halloween in Gainesville

In the story of the life of Malorie, Halloween in Gainesville unfolds in this manner:

1. No work on Friday. This leads to great excitement, and driving to Gainesville.
2. Hair is behaving and looking fierce with no headband. This leads to further excitement.
3. Due to disgusting hangover earlier in the week, no alcohol is planned for consumption.
4. Best friend and many other friends are in Gainesville. They are all excited to see protagonist. This leads to great lengths of excitement and mushy feelings.
5. Once in Gainesville, protagonist meets other very cool friends of best friend. This makes Halloween party seem even more exciting.
6. Protagonist is tired and falls asleep on couch. Ends up sleeping on couch.
7. During middle of the night, protagonist feels swallows mass amounts of phlegm. Doesn't know where phlegm has magically come from, but continues sleep.
8. Morning. Protagonist feels like there is a rock inside skull. Congestion and lack of ability to breathe leads protagonist to Walgreens.
9. Buys sinus medicine. Thinks it is an allergy to best friend's puppy.
10. Day progresses... feeling gets worse.
11. Falls asleep on floor watching Florida Gators lacerate Georgia Bulldogs. Protagonist feels sleep will help. T minus 5 hours until Halloween party.
12. Protagonist awakens from nap. Feels worse.
13. Protagonist cannot breathe and still has headache. Decides to use steam inhaler to loosen mucus. Still T minus 5 hours until Halloween party.
14. Protagonist makes sudden movement and spills the scalding water from the inhaler on her leg. This proceeds to burn the protagonist through jeans.
15. T minus 4 hours until Halloween party: protagonist receives visit from friends. Holding ice to burnt thigh, protagonist realizes laughing is not possible due to condition of non-ability to breathe.
16. Friends leave. Protagonist decides to shower to assist with curing process before party.
17. T minus 3 hours until party: protagonist is wrapped in a blanket, now feeling feverish along with burnt thigh and headache. Protagonist decides there is no dog allergy, but contemplates whether it's swine flu, regular flu, or just plain death.
18. Protagonist decides party attendance cannot be completed.
19. Protagonist drinks tea and watches Coming to America complete in pajamas, head rag, and blanket.
20. Protagonist sleeps. Friends leave apartment to attend party.

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True story if you've ever heard one. I hope Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc. enjoyed my ten dollar donation to their party I couldn't even attend.

(by the way, I didn't have the flu in any variation, I just caught a fierce cold which is now subsiding.)

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