Thursday, December 31, 2009

My line of demarcation

Frantically, I realize that 2009 is leaving me. I don't know why this makes me feel pressed to run over the memories of this decade in my mind, seeing as how once 2010 rolls around, I'll still be sitting here in the same position, looking exactly the same, biting my lip in thought.

I read a list of things that happened in this decade to a family (via Flux Capacitor), so I suppose that's what has got me feeling so frantic. So I will attempt to pull together a list of things that were significant to my life in this decade. This list will definitely not be exhaustive, but just a taste of the things I can think of while I'm sitting here, still biting my lip.

I turned 13, 16, 18, and 21: I didn't realize it until this moment that I hit all the big ages (of youth, that is) during this past decade. I entered my adolescence in 2000, I had my Sweet Sixteen complete with all the trimmings (food, a DJ, stilettos, and a tiara) in '03, became a legal adult in 2005, and got to press my lips to a glass of alcohol in 2008.

I graduated from high school and from college: I graduated from the IB Program in 2005, and graduated cum laude from UF a mere three years later in 2008.

I was in Freshman orientation when the news broke: On September 11, 2001, I was in my Freshman orientation, and subsequently, was on the way back to class when someone said that an airplane had hit the World Trade Center in New York. Though I had no concept of how big the Towers were, nor where they were located in New York, I didn't believe it until I saw it on television. And even then, I didn't believe it. But I wept. I wept for the people whose loved ones they would never see again; for those people whose lives had been irrevocably altered. In essence, I wept for myself and all of us, because our lives have never been the same. I was 14 years old.

I was betrayed: without going into details that are not appropriate for this medium, I was betrayed time and time again. By people who really mattered to me. And these things hurt me. They changed me. They left fingerprints on the glass that is my heart. These fingerprints fade with time, but there is no Windex that will wipe them away completely. They became a part of me. And now that hurt is a part of my story. Not an excuse, not something I dwell on from day to day, but something inside of me.

I fell in love for the first time: and I've discussed it more than enough times here and even here. My feelings on this subject have long been clouded by many, many hours of deep thought on the first love that was never final. (when you don't understand why something even happened at all, it lends the feeling that it's not final, because when things are final, you no longer question them. Finality should indicate lack of doubt, hence, no need for questions.) It was the infamous situation that jaded me against other loves, but when it happened, regardless of his feelings, or the external variables that doomed us from the start, it was real. It was scary, it was dope, it was exhilarating, he was the first man I loved. And though I've tired of the hopeless domination of his memory inside my heart and have since adjusted for new loves, I still think about him. And part of me still wishes we'd realized we were just ordinary people, and that we should have taken it slow. Maybe I just wish that I realized that. I think he kind of got it.

I cut my hair off: I went natural... meaning the curly kinky goodness that grows from my head has been untouched by any chemicals since November 2008... though I did flat iron part of my hair into a bang a month or so ago...

I moved out of my childhood home: it seems like cheating, since this came at the very end of the decade, but it happened. It doesn't seem as interesting, since it just happened.

Loss and gain: We lost family members (my father's aunt and my great-grandmother, among others), but we also gained little ones :) I have many young cousins whom are intelligent and beautiful! Not to mention sweet :) They are continuing the family lines in great ways!

I am published: I had a poem (Inexplicable) published in an anthology, and I also had a short piece published in the Orlando Sentinel.

I am a freelance writer: I began my freelancing journey in November of last year (well, as I'm writing, it's now 2010, so, November of 2008) with Examiner.com, and though the road hasn't always been easy (when writing about relationships, your articles tend to be 125% influenced by what's going on in your life, and my love/dating life has been up and down the past year and some change), it's a road I have thoroughly enjoyed traveling.

Now that another decade is upon me, I try to remember the past decade more distinctly, but it's difficult. I'm sure there are things I have forgotten that occurred, and some things just don't need much explanation. I mean, ten years is a really long time to try and recount.

But above all, I lived this decade. I lived. I was a part of the many historical things that happened, because I was alive. And I'm still living. And I hope I'm writing to you a decade from now, and two decades from then, and three decades from then. And I pray you're still there to read what I have to say.

Welcome to another decade. I'm glad to be here with you.

2 comments:

Maggie May said...

congratulations on always moving forward and learning, learning...

Miss Malorie said...

thank you :)

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