Thursday, November 26, 2009

thanksgivingpoemthatsreallyathought/she still got it

on thanksgiving i sit in front of the tv while mom cooks because i don't like cooking and it doesn't really suit one as fly as me while i think about all the people that have come and gone in my life and i find that i'm not even sad this thanksgiving because life has taught me that people come and people go and as long as they leave a lesson it's all good even though i just texted my lover used to be boyfriend and told him i was thankful for him and all he could say was happy thanksgiving it's all good because i've stopped expecting so much from people because that's the reason why i'm always disappointed and i'm really hungry right now and my sister is watching this dog show making comments on every single one and wow the sun is coming out after days with no shine and i think i need to get up and eat something but first i have to finish this thought and i think my lips are peeling and that's not fun and i wonder if anyone will actually take the time to sit and read through this with no punctuation and you know it could be kind of dangerous to write about people in my life knowing that they read what i write but then again i asked them to didn't tell them to and i find myself still thinking about being underappreciated by lovers but like i told my mom last night it's all good because who's the girl who gets hit on by dudes when she goes out to do something as simple as picking up a pizza with no makeup no earrings no attempt at swag at all....

ahhhhhhhhhh,

that would certainly be

me.

this girl...

I ran across a "this girl" post at one of the blogs I follow, moments of perfect clarity, and I decided to give it a go... I really liked the way it was done, so here's mine :)





This girl:

-- is deeper than most can imagine or deal with... and she's fine with that.
--loves hard... and she knows someone one day is going to appreciate that.

-- is writing.
-- was born to be a writer. She might be many other things, but she will be a writer until the breath has left her, and beyond.

--is enraged very quickly by stupid things and stupid people.
--sometimes still worries about whether what she does is in line with what's expected... but that's fading.

--thinks tradition is great, but does not envision herself being a "I get off work and cook every single day for my husband" type of lady.
--is starting to wonder hard whether marriage is a logical construct for her.

--has learned that people are fleeting, their emotions are fickle, and they lie while smiling in your face.
--knows that true friends, true lovers, and true loves will always be there for you.

--thinks the 9-to-5 world is pretty lame.
--thinks the "real world" in its entirety is pretty lame.

--is generally misunderstood by those closest to her.
--enjoys people, but relishes solitude sometimes.

--would like to live a more minimalist lifestyle... less food, less junk, less tv, etc.
--thinks about becoming a vegetarian sometimes.

--thinks playing by the rules can be boring.
--is going to be a star in her own right.

Monday, November 23, 2009

stereotype(d)

I have no interest in
Jordans that sometimes aren't even that cute
and usually cost half of my car payment
or pit bull puppies, walked on
chains for leashes
by a boyfriend who only smokes blacks
and wears his pants so low he walks
like a cowboy
in order to keep them from falling to his ankles
because there's no belt between
the pants two sizes too big
and the wifebeater he wears
everywhere.

I don't tote a baby
that I carry around like the sack of flour
we had as a project the year
I got pregnant
and I don't love a baby daddy
who "loved" four other girls
so much
that all our babies
are the same age.

No, I don't love Plies, Gucci Mane,
or any other gimmicky, idiotic
brainwashing garbage,
though just because I may vibe to Wayne or Jay-Z
doesn't mean Frank Sinatra
or
Amel Larrieux
don't get vibed to as well
and come to mention it,
I don't speak the language
of slowed down
chopped and screwed
whatever the hell you call it
so please don't play it
expecting a response.

I don't like Baby Phat
and I don't watch BET
I hate rims
and cars painted electric orange
and Pepto pink
I loathe mermaid ponytails
and houseslippers worn in store
and no, I'm not

bougie

I just simply realize that there's a difference
between
me
and those
stereotypes
but at first glance
my
yellow brown
can lead me
to be one of
those
stereotyped.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

05-09

it's time for me to go
back
take it way way back
in time
to the time
when it was just me
my pen
and my paper
though the tears i'll leave behind
it was serious times
with me
frankie
john
and my disillusionment
with
love
life
school
people

when i lived every word to
when your lover has gone
and closed my eyes to the irony of
back to you
when the weight of my life
rode my shoulders so hard
they ached in the middle of the day
and their only relief
was that pen to paper

it's time for me to go back
to that time when
ignorant people called me anti-social
and people i depended on
left me to sink or swim,
alone
is where i should be
and it was sad
it is sad
but i always knew
that sadness
that pen
that paper
my frankie
and my john
would never
leave
me.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

free (the truth)

(is that)
I can sing as loud as I want
even if my voice cracks
or if the window is down or someone down the hall can hear me
and I can walk into a room and not turn my face
embarrassed when heads lift to stare at me
even if I'm in the club
and that man is staring at me like he's eating me
through my clothes

(truth is that)
I don't have to have six vodka crans to be
the bitch who sits with her feet crossed on top the table
and who rides to your place in the middle of the night
thong-less
and I can hold my shoulders high
even when I'm taller than the whole room
whether I'm five-ten and change (flat)
or six-one (heeled)

(the truth is that)
i'm free
because you let free
the long sleeping truth
about me
and simultaneously
did me the biggest favor
you didn't try to do.

Friday, November 13, 2009

watch your back, your haters are aiming at it

I was just listening to this song the other day... and Lauryn ain't never lied. It's like Paul Laurence Dunbar speaking of "the mask that grins and lies," though in his case, he was speaking of race relations. But people wear that mask that grins and lies all in your face, and then they turn around and stab you in the back. It's nothing new, it's just unfortunate that people can be so delusional and evil. Sign of the times? I'm not sure. Insanity abounds everywhere. Watch your back, friends...

Lauryn Hill, "Forgive Them Father"

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us
Although them again we will never, never, never trust
Dem noh know weh dem do, dig out yuh yei while dem sticking like glue,
Fling, skin, grin while dem plotting fah you,
True, Ah Who???

Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do

Beware the false motives of others
Be careful of those who pretend to be brothers
And you never suppose it's those who are closest to you, to you
They say all the right things to gain their position
Then use your kindness as their ammunition
To shoot you down in the name of ambition, they do

Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do

Why every Indian wanna be the chief?
Feed a man 'til he's full and he still want beef
Give me grief, try to tief off my piece
Why for you to increase, I must decrease?
If I treat you kindly does it mean that I'm weak?
You hear me speak and think I won't take it to the streets
I know enough cats that don't turn the other cheek
But I try to keep it civilized like Menelik
And other African czars observing stars with war scars
Get yours in this capitalistic system
So many caught or got bought you can't list them
How you gonna idolize the missing?
To survive is to stay alive in the face of opposition
Even when they comin' gunnin'
I stand position
L's known the mission since conception
Let's free the people from deception
If you looking for the answers
Then you gotta ask the questions
And when I let go, my voice echoes through the ghetto
Sick of men trying to pull strings like Geppetto
Why black people always be the ones to settle
March through these streets like Soweto

Like Cain and Abel, Caesar and Brutus, Jesus and Judas,
Backstabbers do this

Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them father for they know not what they do

It took me a little while to discover
Wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers
Men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves, to themselves
A friend once said, and I found to be true
That everyday people, they lie to God too
So what makes you think, that they won't lie to you

Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them, forgive them
Forgive them father for they know not what they do
Forgive them, forgive them

Gwan like dem love while dem rip yuh to shreds,
Trample pon yuh heart and lef yuh fi dead,
Dem a yuh fren who yuh depen pon from way back when,
But if yuh gi dem yuh back den yuh mus meet yuh end,
Dem noh know wey dem do,
Dem no know, dem no know, dem no know,
Dem no know, dem no know wey dem do

Thursday, November 5, 2009

pain is pleasure

pain
is
rewarding
because i know
that although it hurts
now
when we are apart
i will
absolutely
melt
in the brilliance
of your embrace
upon union
and drown in
the
inexplicable
peace
in your
smile

Halloween in Gainesville

In the story of the life of Malorie, Halloween in Gainesville unfolds in this manner:

1. No work on Friday. This leads to great excitement, and driving to Gainesville.
2. Hair is behaving and looking fierce with no headband. This leads to further excitement.
3. Due to disgusting hangover earlier in the week, no alcohol is planned for consumption.
4. Best friend and many other friends are in Gainesville. They are all excited to see protagonist. This leads to great lengths of excitement and mushy feelings.
5. Once in Gainesville, protagonist meets other very cool friends of best friend. This makes Halloween party seem even more exciting.
6. Protagonist is tired and falls asleep on couch. Ends up sleeping on couch.
7. During middle of the night, protagonist feels swallows mass amounts of phlegm. Doesn't know where phlegm has magically come from, but continues sleep.
8. Morning. Protagonist feels like there is a rock inside skull. Congestion and lack of ability to breathe leads protagonist to Walgreens.
9. Buys sinus medicine. Thinks it is an allergy to best friend's puppy.
10. Day progresses... feeling gets worse.
11. Falls asleep on floor watching Florida Gators lacerate Georgia Bulldogs. Protagonist feels sleep will help. T minus 5 hours until Halloween party.
12. Protagonist awakens from nap. Feels worse.
13. Protagonist cannot breathe and still has headache. Decides to use steam inhaler to loosen mucus. Still T minus 5 hours until Halloween party.
14. Protagonist makes sudden movement and spills the scalding water from the inhaler on her leg. This proceeds to burn the protagonist through jeans.
15. T minus 4 hours until Halloween party: protagonist receives visit from friends. Holding ice to burnt thigh, protagonist realizes laughing is not possible due to condition of non-ability to breathe.
16. Friends leave. Protagonist decides to shower to assist with curing process before party.
17. T minus 3 hours until party: protagonist is wrapped in a blanket, now feeling feverish along with burnt thigh and headache. Protagonist decides there is no dog allergy, but contemplates whether it's swine flu, regular flu, or just plain death.
18. Protagonist decides party attendance cannot be completed.
19. Protagonist drinks tea and watches Coming to America complete in pajamas, head rag, and blanket.
20. Protagonist sleeps. Friends leave apartment to attend party.

-------------------------------------------------------
True story if you've ever heard one. I hope Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc. enjoyed my ten dollar donation to their party I couldn't even attend.

(by the way, I didn't have the flu in any variation, I just caught a fierce cold which is now subsiding.)

Fall in Orlando...

The title has nothing to do with anything esoterically artistic... it's just a lovely fall day in Orlando, and I'm sitting outside on my laptop, like the little writerbee I can be... occasionally, that is.

I haven't written much lately. I haven't written a "published" article in months, and I think I'm ready to cut that loose. Something about that outfit never felt completely correct to me, and I've grown tired of lamenting over/trying to figure out relationships (I can grow tired/bored very quickly). I know I've helped people (inadvertently) along my journey, but I've reached a point where I have something that currently works for me, and I no longer have the desire to figure out the perfect nuances of relationship. Every relationship is different, and instead of reading all these damn self-help books (not saying that I've been doing that... lol) and articles on how to mold the perfect relationship, people should, above all, be open to the possibility of different things and open to the fact that things will not always go as planned in life, and that's that. Focus on getting to really know the people in your life and enjoying them for who they are, be your damn self, and the people and things that don't fit--get rid of them.

That brings me to another point: Fall cleaning season. I'm here, and it's time. I've been notoriously known to have these periods of retraction and "cutting loose." The people who were "victims" of these seasons didn't understand them, and therefore, lambasted them with negativity. There's nothing wrong with a season of cleaning. Too often, people and things overstay their time in your life. Why do people hold on to these things and people? Habit? Fear? I don't know, but even when I was younger, I felt the frequent need to have these seasons of cutting loose. What that meant, which at the time, I couldn't identify, was that I had way too many negative things in my life. Negative things and people can get the boot. What's the point of holding on to something if it's not doing you any good? Let it go.

I can't believe November is here already. This month was very critical for me last year, so I remember it very vividly--Obama being elected President, me being able to vote for the first time, me beginning my freelance articles, my first Fall out of college, meeting him <3... the fact that I remember these things so vividly draws to my attention the fact that the year has really flown by, because it's already November all over again, and so many things have changed. When did the year fly by? When I blinked?

Which leads me to something I always say and think but find hard to follow. Life is too short, and time is moving way too fast to be hung up on stupidity. To be inhibited by fear. To wait on illusions that will never be whole. If you've got something to do, do it. If you've got something to say, say it. Time has proven, and is in the business of continuing to prove, that it waits for no one.

Monday, November 2, 2009

"there's something church about ya..."

Does R. Kelly think that by telling a girl in song that there's "something church/religious about [her]" that she will forget that whole pesky issue of him liking to pee on people?

I'm just saying.

Unless otherwise indicated, all words here are property of Miss Malorie

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