Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Is blogging bad for relationship making?

Never mind blogging being bad for my desire to hand-write.

I had an ex tell me (while we were still talking, but as exes... don't ask) that he didn't like reading my blog because he felt like he was spying on me. Spying on my mind, that is. He couldn't seem to understand how I could be able to put myself out there, why I couldn't not write about the ex, (if he was reading this now, he wouldn't understand why I even linked an entry back to the ex) etc. I couldn't understand that which he didn't seem to understand.

I had another male tell me today, after asking if he could read some of my blogs (I definitely wasn't jumping to tell him that I had one, because I knew what would follow: see rest of sentence), that he felt like he. was. inside. my. head. (I wish this was a salacious reference to head, but alas, it is not.) I, immediately agitated, informed him that he wasn't seeing a tenth of what was inside my head, which is relatively true.* Again, I was faced with the same commentary, this time from a guy I didn't know.

For me, I don't understand: I'm a writer. I often tell people I'm a writer immediately after meeting them. It's a very big deal for me, clearly. So in telling people that I am a writer, I feel that it should be generally understood that I write. Yes, I write about sex. Yes, I write about things I don't like. Yes, I write about love. Yes, I write about exes. (Usually all of them, but especially those of whom serve as muses to me.) I write about all of these things because writing is about self-expression. All of these things have to do with life, my life in particular, so therefore, I write about them. What is hard to understand about that? What is peculiar about that?

Is my relationship with my writing destined to cause my relationships with men to become a type of third wheel?

Is my blogging bad for my relationship building? Maybe if I'm trying to build a relationship with a guy (which usually, quite frankly happens unintentionally), it's not the best idea that he has full access to some, though not all, of my thoughts on things like dating, sex, and the male species. But, when he talks to me and gets to know me, won't he end up hearing these things... anyway?

And, an even better question: do I care enough about the building of relationships with men to alter my blogging habits?

It's kind of too late for me to author this blog under a pseudonym or as a completely anonymous entity... and even if I did, how would I tell anyone about it without letting them know that it's my writing?

So, I just stumbled across this bomb ass blog! Yeah... I know the writing looks like mine, but it's not me, I swear... yeah, I know some of these lines sound like my Facebook statuses, but this really isn't my website... oh, who writes this stuff? I don't even know, man...

Really? I don't think so. Part of the joy of writing is that I know when I give you an entry, I'm giving you something I have personally had some type of experience with. I'm not writing about love having never experienced it. I'm not writing about the succulence of an orgasm without having tasted one. I'm not writing about the pang of heartbreak without having felt my heart shatter. To me, that's what artists do. They draw from within themselves to express something to their audience. So, I'm giving it to you straight.

Sure, maybe it makes guys feel weird to read my blog. Well, unfortunately for them, this is something about me that's not going anywhere. I love my craft too much to think of altering it for the sake of someone liking me. Or rather, it's not the liking, it's the acceptance. Acceptance is probably the most single thing we all crave.* Well, I'm not seeking acceptance either. I feel I've reached a point in my life where I'm kind of sick of trying to mold myself into some proper fashion for a man. Isn't that what we girls are brought up doing, anyway? Molding ourselves to be marketable to men?

Well, I don't care. Take me as I am or don't take me at all. If this shit is uncomfortable for you to read, by all means, don't read it. I'm still going to be writing regardless of whether the ubiquitous them feel okay with it or not.

And nope, this isn't a secret message that I was too scared to say, it's just a reminder to myself to not compromise my vision just because other people can't see it.

It's also a reminder to not do something that makes me uncomfortable just because it makes someone else comfortable.

*I tend to make up statistics and numbers for the sake of the argument at hand. What... scientists do it too.


Anonymous said...

Absolutely beautiful writing! I really have nothing profound to say as you summed it up in this post.

Jamila Reddy said...

"it's just a reminder to myself to not compromise my vision just because other people can't see it."


this is just all so real.


thanks for posting.

Miss Malorie said...

Thanks ladies! You are quite welcome. Thank you for reading and for giving me a boost :)

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