Tuesday, April 27, 2010

so much to say...

I've been reading and deep in thought all morning. So deep in thought I know I look aggravated and like I don't want to be bothered. Because I don't want to be bothered.

There are some things I would like to say, to no one in particular, yet to everyone, even to myself:

From now on, when you speak, men, I'll listen. when you say you don't love me, I'll believe you. when you say you want to have sex with me, but do nothing else, I'll believe you. and when I act accordingly, please don't be alarmed. I'm just listening to you.

I no longer feel the pressure to be cordial. Maybe it's the working with the kids, maybe they are turning me into a crab, or maybe, just maybe the invisible veil that's been above my head forever is starting to burn away in life's myriad scintilla... I don't know, but if I don't like you, you'll probably know. If you piss me off because you persist to use my things when we don't have a relationship like that, you'll probably know. I'm not confrontational (except when extremely provoked), so no, I might not tell you, but my body certainly will.

One of these days, I'm going to drop the routine, run out on a limb, and steal away to the place of my dreams. And I'll probably regret it when I get there. But I will do it.

*exhale* My head feels a little lighter now.

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