Monday, May 17, 2010

Monday, 05.17.2010--> so-called random thoughts

As people, we run from anything that isolates us. We all are guilty of it. Tell me you haven't done it... talked with people you didn't want to just for the sake of having someone to talk to, left the tv on just so there would be noise, stayed in a group to avoid feeling alone. For some reason, isolation can be hard to handle. Even for someone who relishes periods of isolation (like myself). Right now, I'm writing with the tv off. There's no noise except the sound of my computer breathing, and my quick typing. It feels good to have a moment of silence in a day full of noise. I've even taken to keeping my phone on silent to avoid to noise of my texts. Though, before I turned the tv off, I had to think about whether I was sure that's what I wanted to do. Humans... we cling to the illogical.

I'm changing. I feel it, see it, know it. I've been changing for a while. A long while, now. But it's happening more rapidly. My entire viewpoint has shifted. I feel hyper-aware. I am changing. But I'm not done.

I have a testimony. One day, I'll share it with you. Maybe you'll recognize bits and pieces of it as things I've already written about; stories I've already shared. Some of it, you won't recognize. But one day, I'll share. My testimony is the reason why I'm still here, the reason why I know God exists.

Despite having already showered, his scent still lingers. This, to me, represents a cross between my imagination, and my truth.

I graduated from high school five years ago today. Five years ago today, I was seventeen, and had only undergone one of the major transformations of my bridge between adolescence and adulthood. I was seventeen. My sister will be seventeen this summer. I wonder what her journey's been like; what her testimony will be. What she'll have to say five years from now.

My hair has grown so much longer. I've threatened to cut it off (in faux effigy) many, many times. But I've persevered (for curiosity, for a lack of desire for flat hair, for my dislike of deviating from a course of action once I've chosen a course) and I have results. Life lesson: don't give up. (I already knew this, but nothing like real life understanding.)

Picture #1: when I first cut my hair, March 2009
Picture #2: when I wasn't lazy and braided my hair, December 2009
Picture #3: when I wasn't lazy and braided my hair, May 2010

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