Thursday, August 26, 2010

Thursday afternoon

I hate being broke.

I hate the fact that I feel like I'm constantly budgeting, constantly worrying about money, constantly feeling like there's not enough.

I hate when something comes up--like going out to eat with friends--and the fact that I always worry about the money I've spent, no matter how small the amount.

I hate that I think about money the way I do.

I hate that I can't afford to go abroad off of my own money.

I hate that I worked a job that I started to greatly dislike, though it paid quite well.

I hate that I'm working a job I like now, but at quite the pay cut.*

I hate the way the word hate looks, so I'm going to stop using it.

I'm mad that I can't find a way to access Facebook at work. Damn you, proxy sites, and damn you, school system filters.

I'm mad that I can't afford to live by myself, but motivated to find a way to, because this roommate shit's gotta stop. In fact, this roommate shit should have stopped like yesterday. God in Heaven preserve me.

I think it sucks that my room only gets two channels, but it is at a school after all.

I think it's funny that the last time I worked as a supervisor, I said I wanted to be closer to the children--which you can't really do as a supervisor--and now I'm back in that role, version 2.0. Though the school, the people, and the experience has already proven to be twenty million times better than that bullshit from before.

I hate that I spent money I did not have last night because I was really hungry and really just wanted to kick back and enjoy a night of eating out without having to call my bank ahead of time to assure that I would have the funds.

I hate that the food that I purchased wasn't even good. MAJOR fail for that dish. They better be lucky I paid money I didn't have for it, otherwise I would have never taken it out of the restaurant. In fact, it was so lackluster in comparison to other dishes I've had at that restaurant that I should have flung it in the air and watched as it splattered all across their white couch.

I think it's funny that this started out as an "I hate my finances" rant because I'm sitting at work and my brain is crying out for stimulation (damn you, Facebook being blocked), but it turned into a random rant. Beware of these. My laptop will probably accompany me to work. Everyday.

*--I tried to calculate the math to make it more dramatic, but math is not my strong suit, despite the fact that saying that out loud could acknowledge that I'm being less than idealistic. I don't give a shit. Math is not my strong suit, and just know that I'm broke. That being said, I was broke before too. With more money, comes different types of problems, but the same problems nonetheless.


Anonymous said...

Get out of my head! I totally feel you...especially the first 4 points.

I'm trying to make a habit of not OVER THINKING spending money, b/c let's face's gonna get spent regardless, and I'm really financially responsible compared to most.

I just would like a couple more thousand dollars added to my salary to make life a little smoother.

le sigh

Miss Malorie said...

I agree... like even last night when I went out, though I spent what was "technically" out of my budget, I knew I still had money at home that I set aside in case I wouldn't have money left over to pay for my car... and I don't have to pay that until I get paid again, so it all works out in the end. I tend to be pretty financially responsible, but I do overthink spending all the time. I don't even really shop anymore. I used to love going shopping but I can't remember the last time I bought something from the mall. I just think about it too much.

And I need my salary/stipend tripled lol. But I am in a non-profit after all... for now ;) *going to continue applying to that job you sent me lol*

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