Monday, August 23, 2010

you, in writing

eye to eye
and dance
in fading dusk
sweat collects
in tender places--
bellybutton, arch in back,
tears fall with
need of you
to explore the
deep places
in me
that even I
know nothing of.

an untitled poem from last week that i don't particularly care for. but i had to post something because it had been too long without me saying something. unfortunately, though i've been spending all my days working toward the greater good, the greater good of my artistic mind has been fading without exercise. (speaking of exercise, i was so supposed to exercise tonight, and now i'm comfortable, and it's already past 8, and it's not happening. such is the story of my life.)

anyhow, i don't like this poem because it doesn't convey the way i need it to. it says the things that i feel in the most cliched ways possible. and cliche is not me. the entire beginning of the poem i am not pleased with (vocabulary wise) though i am kind of taken with how short it is and the (possibly) awkward spacing.

it tells a story that of course i know well, but it is not descriptive enough. is it because my feelings (in this case) are so esoteric that words will never adequately tell you how i feel?

eh, i don't know, but saying i need you to explore the deep places in me is an understatement. but acknowledging that i know nothing of these places is truth.



Anonymous said...

Not sure what you were going for, but as a writer I can understand your critical eye for your own work.

However, I definitely think feeling was conveyed b/c it took me to a place as I read it.


Miss Malorie said...

Good to know feeling was conveyed :) It was just something I was writing while being distracted at work (that's funny that I could be at work, distracted by work lol), trying to capture the emotion of an experience. Some experiences, however, are better felt, than explained.

Unless otherwise indicated, all words here are property of Miss Malorie Registered & Protected