Monday, September 20, 2010

starting over, from many wrong turns, not just one

I don't need another man calling me beautiful when he doesn't even know my name. Yeah, you may see the physical beauty, but you don't know the extent of shit I've had to go through to gain some semblance of my inner beauty back. Fuck what you see on the outside.

I don't need another man giving me advice I didn't ask for; playing Mr. Paternal. I have a daddy, and he's the only man I need giving me advice I didn't ask for. Because he didn't have to earn that right. He played part in my birth.

I don't need another man who is so attracted to my body that he just can't help himself. Again, fuck what's on the outside. You're not the first man I've met whose attracted to my body, you won't be the last. Why don't you try being attracted to my heart, or what I have to say, or the way I get emotional and shed tears when things really touch my heart.

I don't need another man saying let me get your number after we've barely exchanged any type of conversation. Just because you make me laugh doesn't mean you deserve to talk to me. Just because you told me I'm beautiful doesn't mean you get the right to blow up my phone all day and night. I don't want you to have my number, and I don't want your number. Thanks, but I've heard it before.

I don't need another man who's an asshole.

I don't need another man who's a "nice guy."

I don't need another man who likes me but just doesn't want to be in a relationship right now.

I don't need another man who will waste two years of life conversing with me when he has no desire to date me or be with me.

I don't want another man who has to ask me every time we have sex whether I'm on birth control. I'm not one of those types of chicks who will intentionally trap a man because I think that if I get pregnant, he'll stay, and I'm not one of those types of girls who wants to have a baby because then someone in the world will love me unconditionally. I'm the type of woman who can't wait for the day when my husband/partner/lifemate and I get to celebrate the forthcoming of our child. I'm the type of woman who wants to wait a few more years before bringing a child into the world because I want to make sure I have the resources available to provide a marvelous life for my child(ren).

I don't want another man who disappears for days at a time.

I don't need another man who feels that it's okay to go for long periods of time without talking to each other.

I don't want another man who doesn't get me, and doesn't try to get me.

I don't need another man whose idea of going out on a date consists of going to McDonalds, or doing the same cliche shit.

I don't want another man who cuddles with me because it's just part and parcel of sex.

I don't want another man who does special things simply because "[he's] not a dog" and not because he's dealing with a special person.

I don't need another man who thinks that text messaging is the only form of communication.

I don't want another man who feels like letter-writing is outdated, or stupid, or that I shouldn't write letters, or that my writing is just a thing that I dabble in.

I don't need another man who thinks that my intellectualism and proper speech is a ticket out of his less proper life.

I don't want another man who analyzes more than he feels.

I don't want another man whose age in maturity is younger than the number of my shoe size.

I don't need you

and

I don't want you.

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