Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Things I don't fucking get: 10.12.10 (part I)


As I sat in my car, eating lunch by myself, not wanting to drive back to work; in fact, hoping that some black hole in the ground would open up, thus sending me into some technical mixup in the space-time continuum1, thus restricting my ability to go back to work, therefore actually sending me back to the beginning of my weekend, so I could relive it all over again, Maxwell's "This Woman's Work" came on. I sat there, a little irritated after having gone from real jazz2 to "This Woman's Work," and I started to attempt to enjoy the song, until I realized... I don't like this song.

Granted, I know the song is a cover, and no, I've never heard the original. But I do know that I do not like the Maxwell3 version. In fact, I don't even know what the fuck the song is about. And every time the song comes on, I can feel my brain searching for an answer. Why is he singing in falsetto the whole time? Why does she only have a little life in her yet? Why should he be crying but not letting it show? I even started to excuse my dislike, blaming it on the lack of my used-to-be habit of looking up all song lyrics and reading through them while the song is playing.4 But I allowed my dislike to fester, and thus came up with a long list of things I don't fucking get, all VSB style. At length, I will continue.

2. Why I don't carry a pen in my pocket

I'm a writer. I write all the time. I came up with this list while I was sitting in my car eating lunch. I felt myself up searching for a pen, until I realized I'd left it at my job. Frantically I went through the different hiding places in my car, until I found one that I'd left in the passenger-side console... specifically because at some point in the past, I knew that I would be looking for a pen and would need one.

3. People thinking bad ass kids are funny/cute

There ain't shit funny about a bad ass kid. There's nothing remotely cute about a bad ass kid. I have heard some of everything from kids, from them talking about how they are going to cuss someone out, to them actually cussing, to them showing out somewhere public. And I have never understood why people in these situations (often parents/caregivers/other supposedly lucid adults) smile, or laugh, or say some inane shit like that's my baby, when I'm standing in the corner, feeling spontaneous combustion inevitable.

4. Why bullying doesn't have more effective policies

I understand that teachers/caregivers/supposedly lucid adults can't be everywhere at once. I can't walk home with the kids I work with; I don't get to see what goes on in their houses; in their neighborhoods. I am not their teacher; not a police officer; not their parent. But why does it seem that everyone has relinquished control to some invisible person(s)? Kids tell teachers that they are being bullied or that things are going on, teachers tell counselors, counselors tell administration, parents tell police, kids tell afterschool staff, kids tell each other... I mean, there are so many people that get told about bullying, but who actually does anything about it? I mean, I can't do anything about it, because my solution is to beat a kid's ass. Back in the day when my mom was growing up, anyone had the right to beat your ass. And that was because everyone had your best interests at hand. And now, no one has the right to beat your ass (it seems, not even your parents), and it seems no one has your best interests at hand. I think society needs to bring that back. The beating of the ass seemed to keep kids in line. Now, kids fear no one, especially not adults, and they are bullying/beating the shit out of each other.

5. Why adults allow kids to call them by their first name with no respectful appellation

If a child ever approaches me and calls me by my first name, I give them one of my classic stares, and correct them. It's Miss Malorie, or nothing. In fact, the kids I worked with formerly said it so often that I started calling myself that. I enjoy being called "Miss." It's a sign of respect, rather than a stranger saying hey, you! or a child calling me by my first name. I know some Northern people or strange women feel as though being called "Miss" is disrespectful (hence why I don't fucking get it), but with kids this should be the exception, never the rule. It starts small, and the reason why kids don't fear adults is because they haven't learned to respect them. If I would have ever called an adult by their first name when I was a kid, I'm certain my mother would have morphed into the Hulk and eaten me. I'm pretty sure of it. But now, I hear kids all the time referring to people on my job by their first name... and the people being called by their first name have no problem with it. Shaking.my.head.

6. Any of the "Real Housewives of..." shows

Don't get me wrong... I have been waiting for the Real Housewives of Atlanta to come back to tv. In what I'm sure was a regular season of television, I became so scared of the fact that RHoA might not come back to tv that I started to contemplate writing a letter to Bravo5... or simply asking other people if they knew when it would come back on tv.6 Well, it has come back to tv, and I don't know what happened between this season and last season, but maybe I've just gotten older... but their drama is so... stupid.

Maybe it was my personal drama from last year of having to deal with a crazy bitchfriendperson, but when I sat down to watch the first episode of the season (last Monday), I realized that they were all crazy. NeNe is as fickle as she claims Kim to be, as ghetto as she accused Kandi of being, and she spreads her business all over the place; Kim has been "chasing dick since [she] came out the womb" and now thinks she bisexual7; Kandi doesn't actually bother me that much anymore, though she's lumped in with everyone else, unfortunately; Sheree is too bougie to speak of; Phaedra is so hung up on this idea of being a Southern Belle that she can't see how fake she really seems to be; and I haven't seen anything yet of the supermodel, but she looks like she married her granddaddy, so... that's enough to be problematic.

In thinking about it, all the Housewives shows are built on the same premise: of displaying how fucking trivial and sad life is for the rich and "fabulous." Out of the numerous housewives that are featured, it seems only a few are actually married, and only a few seem to have sense, or to be people that I would actually not run from if I saw them in the mall. It's kind of sad that I have spent this amount of time thinking about this, because I have a feeling this is going to hamper my ability to watch the show and enjoy it for all its shameless glory.

7. Fantasia consistently making music that reminds me how weak I am as a female for loving someone that's no good/for constantly thinking about him/just for having a vagina

8. Why I feel like I'm somehow being punished for wanting the most mundane things

To write. To be published. To be fabulous. To travel. To have beautiful, smart, well-versed babies. To have a stable, healthy, marvelous relationship with a husband. To write. To write a book. To be happy. To have a garden. To have a yard. To be healthy. To have my parents live into old age, healthy. To live into old age, healthy. To be all Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee with my man.

Yeah, I guess I don't want much. I don't have to be an ass-kicking lawyer; I don't have to be a magnificent brain surgeon. I don't want to be a teacher; don't want to be a diplomat. Don't need to be a movie star, and don't need to have wealth beyond my means. I just want to be comfortable enough to be able to travel when I feel like it, without having to save and save and save for years, to write, and to have a family. Is that too much to ask?8

9. Why passive people have aggressive jobs

Why the fuck would you become a police officer if you are afraid of shooting someone? Why would you be a teacher if you can't read? Why would you be a hairdresser if you hate the smell of burning hair? Doesn't make sense? Didn't think so.

10. Why it feels like everybody's working on something but nothing's happening

It's midterm election time, and people are making these ads left and right about how this person is a crook, and how this person is evil, and how this person is that, etc. Politicians want to be elected because they say they are going to do this and that, but what is really being done? I know change doesn't happen overnight, and I know it takes a lot of work to overhaul things that affect an entire country, but still... is change going to come? Ever? Or will things just stay broken so people can get elected via promises of changing things?9

Wait for Part II. It's coming... I just didn't want to make y'all have to read to the bottom of the page.

1Oh yeah, I loved me some Back to the Future.
2real jazz exists in the realm of radio stations that have NPR radio and commitment drives to raise money, and don't have fancy jingles. I love real jazz.
3Don't get me wrong. I love Maxwell. I think he's sexy as shit. He was sexy with hair, and sexy without hair. He's so sexy he could drink my bathwater. When he said in "'Til the Cops Come Knockin'" the phrase "eat you" I think I almost offered my vagina to him. I just don't like that ["This Woman's Work"] song, and don't fucking get it.
4I got lazy. I don't do this anymore, but I should. But CDs should also come with lyrics printed, dammit. (All of them don't.)
5I was never really contemplating this shit.
6I probably wouldn't have done this either. My pride wouldn't let me.
7I have no problem with ol' girl being bisexual, nor anyone else... it just seems she goes with the wind.
8Not complaining. Legitimately asking.
9Not talking about any particular individual or politician, just in general.

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