Monday, March 14, 2011

Think as a lady, and be one, too

The entire premise of Steve Harvey's book (Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man) is false, and I apologize to you if you ran out and snatched up a copy like it was The Bible and Jesus personally told you He was coming back and that He would autograph your copy. Yes indeed, I sincerely apologize to you.

I haven't read Steve Harvey's book, not because I didn't want to, but because I could never seem to get my hands on a copy. (Once I discovered the infamous hold-out-on-sex-for-three-months rule was in there, I realized I wasn't in as much of a rush to read it anymore, not that I was ever in any kind of a rush about it.)

I am now glad I haven't read the book, because it came to me in the shower (no pun) that the premise is indeed false, and I'll tell you why.

It's false because women cannot think like men. We're women. Whether it's due to wiring or training, we will think like women. The most we can do is "think" like the man who trained us in what his version of male thought is like, but, at best, we are pantomiming.

For instance, I always ask my best sexy guy friend for advice on situations with men, and I'm always picking up on his behaviors with women and the results of how he thinks. (Which are usually overwhelming in his favor.) I admire the way his brain naturally works, so, of course, I try to make my brain work this way as well. Even when I consider myself "thinking like a man," I still have to unplug my female thinking brain and plug the male one in.

Case in point: in thinking about another particularly sexy guy I know (Lawd, thank you for how you've blessed me with even knowing two sexy people at the same time *hand claps*), I found my brain naturally wandering to imagery of us dating, and then us, married. (You know if you're a woman you've done this, more than once. Show me a woman who hasn't and I'll show you a man.) Now, had I not been talking so much with my guy friend and trying to tune my brain onto his wavelength, I probably wouldn't have even paid any attention to what my mind naturally did. Tonight, however, I caught it, and here I am writing to you about it.

My supposition is this: the most we can do as women is continue thinking like women, but smarter. It's unavoidable, the thinking like women part. Your feminine plugs are in there, for sure. Mine are. I continue to think like a woman, but I take the parts of that style of thinking that don't necessarily work and make them play a much lesser role in my thought process. For example, with tonight's wayward imagery of being with a guy I don't even know like that (yet), I tossed it away as soon as it came, and instead of thinking, "Awww man, I thought about him like that, it's a sign!" (typical) I thought, "woman thought" (atypical recognition).

I understand Harvey's title and thought process. At least, it's easy enough to understand. Every woman can learn from man's natural disconnectedness; conversely, every man could learn from the female tendency to want to unite. We could swap intelligences a bit, this is true. but there is danger in telling women to "think like men," because he is asking us to pantomime and consider it actual, naturally occurring thought, and also because, what if we choose the wrong man to learn from? Now, we're not only "thinking" poorly, but now we assume that the fact of our incorrect thought is across the board representative of the typical male thought process. (Danger. No Mystikal.)

So, in essence, think like a lady, but just a wee bit smarter. Call it thinking like a man if you will, but I'd like to tell you to not limit the thoughts of womanhood to solely baking cookies and only having sex for love. I must believe that women can conjure raunchier, more disconnected (and somehow, still connected), smarter thoughts and desires than we've been told we can. Sex is not solely an arena for the male mind.

Don't regulate yourself to acting. Be a lady. And think as one, too.

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