Thursday, April 14, 2011

"I'm living for the memories of right now..."

Thank goodness for Twitter. It gave me an idea.

So, my time in Miami is growing ever shorter. This realization is leading to me getting all reminiscent and introspective and shit. I've been writing and tweeting all about how it's funny that we are constantly in the process of making memories we will long for later. It's something we don't think about in the moment, but it's absolutely true: at some point, every memory you have was something occuring in the present tense.

Anyhow, so I was sitting here, looking for an entry to re-post because I didn't like what I was originally going to post and because I couldn't at the time generate any critical thought when the waves of nostalgia and introspection came up behind me real slow like that dude at the end of Scarface when Tony Montana is flailing around all high and crazy and shit. (Okay, well that dude was walking for like a million frames. Maybe the waves came up on me a wee bit faster than that.)

I started thinking about a couple of the guys I know and how much I like them as people. Multi-faceted and deeply intriguing. The type of people I find sexier than a motherfucker. (Cue Prince.) Well, that thought led me to many other offshoots of thought: how they are the type of people I hope to always have around, how I wish I could take many of their characteristics and form one guy from them, how they make me damned happy to be single (how could one want to be booed up when there are multiple boos floating out there to be discovered?), but most of all, how this is a change of pace for me. Before, I frequently met people I hoped I would never encounter again in life. Now, I seem to meet people I hope stick around forever.

(I've still got my fingers crossed that some of the people in my past life will forget about me, change their names, and move to a remote island off the coast of Nowheresland, never to be seen again, but I know life doesn't work that way.)

Anyway, this sparked a thought in me. (As everything does.) Previously, I do believe I spoke on how you attract what you put out into the universe. I really didn't know exactly what this meant, because I'm not sure I was fully aware of what I was putting into the universe, or that how I was feeling actually created a vibration that the universe picked up on. But there clearly must be a difference in the vibes of then and the vibes of now, because the type of crowd you roll with tends to reflect who you are. Thus, the type of crowd you attract tends to reflect what you emit into the universe.

I can tell you now what I was putting into the universe: a bunch of really sad, insecure vibes. And I can tell you exactly whom I attracted: men who were nice and for the most part, decent people, but who were just as, if not more insecure than I was. Men who were interested in saving someone. Isn't it funny how people who can't deal with themselves are always trying to deal with others? It usually doesn't work very well.

I know for a fact that even though I have my many moments when I'm in some kind of emotional funk, I'm not that same person who was consistently sad; I'm not that same person who felt surrounded at times by people she didn't want to be. And the people that are attracted to me now are a reflection of that shift within myself. I'm confident. A hell of a lot more secure in myself than I ever was before. (Though I've still got a ways to go.) No longer the first person to put my own abilities down, but the first to correct your ass if you decide to put them down. Sexy. Wanting. Hungry. Challenging the mental status quo. I feel surrounded by people I genuinely want to be around. I know men who are sexier than I've ever seen. People who are more multi-faceted than I had grown accustomed to. People who challenge me. Men who don't have to save me, because I'm no longer looking for Superman to swoop in and save the day.

The type of people I hope I have around forever.

If you're not already aware, please monitor what you're emitting into the universe. You attract what you reflect. Don't believe me? You should.

I know these things.

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